"Sexting" is a single word that people use to describe at least four completely different styles of erotic text chat. A lot of awkward sessions happen because two people are doing two of those styles at each other without realizing it. Here's the actual landscape — what each mode looks like, where it comes from, and how to tell which one you're in.
1. Direct sexting (SMS-style)
First-person, present-tense, as-yourself. You write as you, to them, about what you'd do or what you want. No characters, no scene-setting, no framing. This is what most "how to sext" articles are actually about.
Example:
"I can't stop thinking about your mouth."
"Where are you right now?"
"I want you to tell me exactly what you'd do if you were here."
When it fits: partners, crushes, dating-app matches, real-people flirting. Anyone you interact with as yourself, not as a character. It's the default style on phones, dating apps, and DMs.
Heritage: SMS and MSN Messenger. Grew up with mobile phones.
2. Dirty talk
Explicit vocabulary applied to whatever other mode you're in. Dirty talk isn't really a separate style — it's a register. You can have direct sexting without dirty talk (slow build, suggestive language) and you can have roleplay loaded with dirty talk. When people say "I want to learn dirty talk," they usually mean "I want to learn to use explicit words without cringing."
Example:
"Tell me exactly how you'd fuck me."
"I'd have you on your knees before you could finish the sentence."
When it fits: any mode, at the point in the session where both people are ready to escalate the vocabulary. Starting an interaction with hardcore dirty talk cold is usually a swing-and-miss; getting there after some buildup is the payoff.
3. Action-tag roleplay
This is the IRC/MUD tradition, and it's a whole different universe from SMS sexting. Actions go in asterisks (or between slashes, stars, or action-me commands depending on the client). Dialogue goes in quotes. You write in third-person about a character — sometimes yourself, sometimes a persona, sometimes a wholly fictional character. Some chat clients have a dedicated /me command that does the action formatting automatically.
Example:
*he grins and pokes her breast playfully* "Squishy."
*she bats his hand away, laughing* "Watch it, mister."
*he leans in closer, voice low* "Or what?"
Short, reactive, back-and-forth. Actions and dialogue alternate; the scene is built collaboratively in small pieces. People often play as characters — a fursona, an original character, a specific archetype — rather than "themselves."
When it fits: IRC rooms, MUDs, forum-based RP, Discord RP channels, anywhere the culture runs on action-tag conventions. Also anywhere you want distance from your real identity — playing a character is a kind of mask.
Heritage: 1990s IRC, MUDs, MUSHes, text-based fantasy RPGs. LewdChat is IRC, which means action-tag RP is native to the platform. Our roleplay chat and roleplay sexting rooms run on this style.
4. Literary / long-form roleplay
Paragraph-style, third-person, novelistic. Each post is a full scene beat — sometimes a single paragraph, sometimes several. Descriptive prose, internal thoughts, careful pacing, often collaborative world-building across a long-running storyline.
Example:
He crossed the room slowly, aware that every step was being watched. When he finally stopped in front of her, close enough to feel the heat radiating from her skin, he let the silence stretch before speaking. "You knew I'd come." His voice was quieter than he'd intended, rougher. He hadn't expected how hard it would be to stay in character once he was actually this close.
Posts take minutes to compose. Scenes unfold over hours or days. Both participants are writing fiction together. It's less "sexting" and more "co-authored erotic story."
When it fits: long-form RP partners, forum threads, collaborative writing groups, people who like their smut literary. On IRC-style chat it's less common but not unheard of — usually among a pair who've built rapport over time.
Heritage: play-by-post fiction, fan fiction communities, LiveJournal RP, Tumblr RP, modern writing Discords.
How to tell which mode you're in
Usually by the second or third message:
- Asterisks or stars around actions? → Action-tag RP.
- Third-person names and pronouns, no quotation marks around dialogue? → Literary RP in progress, pay attention to length.
- First-person "I" and "you," short messages? → Direct sexting.
- Explicit language without any character framing? → Direct sexting with heavy dirty talk.
When in doubt, read what the other person wrote and reply in the same format. Mirror. If they opened with an action tag, you answer with an action tag. If they sent a paragraph of third-person prose, they're signaling literary RP — a one-liner will feel like you're mocking them.
Matching someone else's style
The single biggest cause of mismatched sessions is one person doing direct sexting while the other is writing RP. It feels like talking past each other because you are.
If they're writing action tags, match them. If they're writing novel-length paragraphs, slow down and write a proper reply. If they're doing terse one-liner direct sexting, don't drop a five-paragraph literary response that breaks the pace.
You can also explicitly ask. "Do you want to play as characters or keep this first-person?" is a totally fine question — way better than guessing wrong for fifteen minutes.
Switching modes mid-session
It happens. A lit-RP scene peters out and the two of you drop into direct sexting "as yourselves." An action-tag scene intensifies and the asterisks fall away in favor of straight dirty talk. These shifts are natural; you don't need to announce them. Just follow where the other person leads and bring them back if you need to.
What doesn't usually work: trying to force a switch because you're bored with the mode. If you're doing RP and feeling it's too slow, the answer is usually "pick up the pace within the RP frame," not "drop the RP and go direct."
Where to practice each
On LewdChat specifically:
- Direct sexting → Sexting chat room.
- Action-tag RP → Roleplay chat and Roleplay sexting. Both are IRC channels where asterisk conventions are the native tongue.
- Literary RP → Usually happens in private messages or dedicated two-person channels after you've met someone in the roleplay rooms and agreed to run something longer.
- Dirty talk (any mode) → Applies everywhere. The vocabulary isn't mode-specific, just the framing.
Our other guides — how to sext, sexting tips, sexting emojis, dirty talk examples — are written for direct sexting specifically. They still apply in part to RP, but a lot of the "put yourself in it" advice doesn't translate when you're playing a character who isn't you. See the full guides index for the list.
